I had been hearing a lot of talk about this guy, Keith, lately in local bars, coffee shops, book stores, malls, gas stations, restaurants, and churches. My priest was even talking about Keith Friberg throughout our entire mass! I've even started seeing people walking around wearing Keith Friberg Syracuse jersies! It's unbelievable! I just had to find out what all the hype was about.

I walked in to the Nrgize Cafe to see nobody behind the counter, however there was an old boom-box laying behind the counter blasting the song "We Are the Champions" extremely loud. I guess the music had sent everyone in the entire gym out because there was absolutely no one in the gym. I double-checked to see if the gym was even open, and sure enough, it was, and so was the smoothie counter. I rang the bell at least two dozen times at the desk, but nobody came to help. After about 15 minutes of waiting, I decided to leave.

As I walked outside, I noticed a tall, muscular, brightly-orange tanned man wearing a Syracuse Orange "Legend" sweater. This man was none other than Keith Friberg. There were also about 5 or 6 other guys standing next to Keith wearing suits that appeared to be agents of some sort. They all had wires in their ears, radios, and guns on them as well. As I watched closely, all of these men were carrying huge suitcases and luggages of some sort, tossing them into a private jet parked outside. I noticed that as they were tossing the bags into the airplane, stacks of money were falling out! I quickly realized that every single bag was carrying huge somes of cash!

It took about 30 seconds before one agent stopped doing what he was doing and looked directly at me. He quickly ran over and whispered something to Keith Friberg. Keith immediately whipped around, also looking directly at me. Keith then pointed directly at me and screamed "GET HIM!", as loud as anything I've ever heard. Immediately after that, I had about 20 agents charging directly toward me! Shocked and scared out of my mind, I quickly charged into a nearby ice cream shop. Panting hysterically, I told the nice young girl behind the counter that people were chasing me. She let me slide behind her counter underneath a table, where I couldn't be seen.

Next, I heard the door swing open, as about 3 or 4 agents stepped inside, questioning where I went. Nervous, the girl told them "I have no idea. I didn't see anyone." Then, one of them asked her again, "Ma'am, where is he?", however this time more stern. Stuttering, the girl said "I...I... I don't know!" The next thing I heard scared me so bad, I lost control of my bowels. I heard hundreds of gun shots going off simultaneously! Hundreds of rounds of uzi guns lit up the entire ice cream shop! The next thing I heard was the ice cream girl screaming! Oh my God, I thought she was shot! "That was merely a warning", one of the agents said to her. "Do not let anyone come in here without telling one of us first!" She complied to their request, as one of them then got on the radio and said "Keith, we warned the ice cream shop. Our search continues", as they left one by one.

It was then that I realized that Keith Friberg and his cronies were trying to cause a double-dip recession with their smoothie prices. The dozens of luggages full of money was clearly an indication of his plan. I knew I had to let someone know so they do not go to Keith Friberg for smoothies.